Because you can't have depths without surfaces.
Linda Grant, thinking about clothes, books and other matters.

Monday, 8 September 2008

A man in heels


AA Gill gets in touch with his feminine side. I've always had a soft spot for him, having shared a make-up chair with him a few years back:

The first thing that struck me as I opened the box was how excited — despite myself — I was to have got them, my first pair of patent red stilettos. I say excited not in the tumescent, opening-dark-closets way, but in the birthday-present, new-kit sense. The second thing I thought was, Christ, these are difficult to get on. You can’t just plunge your feet into them. You have to be sitting down. And then you have to be sort of erected, like . . . like . . . an erectable erection thingy. And third and finally, I thought, aaaaaaahhhh f***! The agony. The AGONY! According to internet facts, the pressure on the heel of a stiletto is greater than that of an elephant standing on one foot. How this was verified is unknown — who lay under the elephant, and then their mother’s heels, and screamed: “This one’s much worse”?
. . .
And not for the first time I marvelled at how much work and technique goes into being a woman. As opposed to just being a man, which means getting up and getting your zip on the right way round. There is so much more to master in being a mistress — all adolescent boys should be made to wear stilettos for a day, to teach them respect.

4 comments:

phyllis said...

Indeed. And when they do wear them, their legs always look better than ours! Its so not fair...

Anastasia said...

Reminds me of the scene in Some Like It Hot, when Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon are dolled up for the first time and follow Marilyn Monroe down the platform - "Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!"

miss cavendish said...

I have my journalism students read some of his restaurant reviews. They're always amazed by what he *sees* and *tastes* in his meal. Did you ever have lunch together?

Robo said...

I love the last line haha :)